we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish you could order shots online.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
