If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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