the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
