At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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