Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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