In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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