The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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