you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
