ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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