Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
