and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
