life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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