Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
