nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
