Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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