Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
