My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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