mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
