I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
