What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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