If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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