sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
