woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
