I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
