I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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