Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
