We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
