Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
