and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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