remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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