I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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