He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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