Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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