apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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