my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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