Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
