That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
