I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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