Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
