My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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