Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
false alarm, still single
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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