I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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