Your tits are I can't wait for
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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