What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
