she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
two words...techno handjob
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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