someone get that fucking seahorse.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
