He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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