sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
