Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
