My first STD was from a foam party
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i believe in u and ur pee
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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